Empyr

By • Nov 18th, 2010 • Category: Empyr, Features, Guest Editorials

The Never-Ending Day

09:45 A.M. : The day begins with a rendezvous at 9 A.M. Of course, like often, Benoit (our bassist) arrives way too late at the RV but this time, the bus is already gone. He’ll still receive a message with the name of the city where we’re playing tonight and the next train departure time, which is his last option. The rest of the band is on the tour bus. Ben (our singer) is dizzy because he hardly slept and drank too much (like every day before we have something important to do). The others, quite amused by our missing bassist are fighting hard on PES.

01:02 P.M : Some humid dog breath wakes Ben up, the bus is stopped , and everybody is outside. The police arrested us for an overload and are now checking for whatever they could find, but they won’t find anything! Dogs consume too much nowadays.

03:35 P.M. : The band gets released and finally arrives at the venue in two separate vans because the police kept our bus.

4:00 P.M. : Benoit is still missing because he managed to miss the train and his first chance to reach the venue. Sound check will be without him! At this particular moment begins what people call a guitarist fight: The guitarist always wants to be louder than his pal. His ability to be absolutely dishonest in those moments is beyond reason. He’s the only musician that turns up the volume of his amp when you ask him to turn it down. The best you can get from your guitarist is for him to PRETEND to lower the volume while saying with a big dose of self-insurance, “You’re right, it’s better like that!” Just add to this situation that Fred uses earplugs and Flo doesn’t… well, you get the picture!

11:30 P.M. : We are invited to a very fancy party in the city! Except the nice looking celeb girls, the free cocktails and the chocolate fountain, the party is quite boring and we decide to go somewhere else. Besides, we forgot a lot of stuff in the bus. Our after show clothes is one of them. Makes things difficult in such a nice place.

01:02 A.M : We meet this guy (a mix between Crocodile Dundee and Keith Richards) who offers to take the band to a special place. Very curious by nature, we jump into his “van” (looks more like a voodoo mask than a regular van interior). The man drags out from his belt a huge Australian Croc hunt knife pointed to our noses! I simply think at this particular second, “This is it, we ‘re done!” The sword is so close to my nose that I can’t see the blow spread on it. We directly jump out his wreck avoiding his chances to slice us for his BBQ !

01:14 A.M. : Still a bit groggy after this “near death experience,” we go to a strip bar to have some drinks. It only took 5 minutes for us to be kicked out by 2 unfriendly mastodons from the bar! One of us kept a high hill stuck in the throat thanks to his overflowing tactile habits!

02:02 A.M. : We arrive in front of that totally normal house, no music, and no lights. A friend gave us a rendezvous here in front of this illegal Chinese club. If you don’t know anybody inside, you can’t get in. Our friend gives a call inside the club and a few seconds after, the door opens and Magnum P.I. opens the door – dressed exactly like on the TV show with his mustache and Hawaiian shirt! We get inside this beautiful place where the ceiling is covered with old Chinese lightened illustrations and everyone is chilling, lying on the comfortable sofas. You directly guess that everything is possible here, but at the same time, you’d better not mess around. Instead of enjoying the view (pretty girls whose jobs it is to be pretty), we engage a conversation already engaged for the 35Oth time which is: “Who’s the most powerful between the coolest actor or the coolest singer?” Not easy to answer, everyone has a bunch of arguments. Mick Jagger or Al Pacino, Brad Pitt or Justin Timberlake? Anyway, that prevented us from arguing on “pissing standing up or sitting down” and that’s already a good point.

03:51 A.M. : After finishing a few bottles of an old, delicate beverage, we decide that we deserve another chill out experience before crashing to bed.

04:32 A.M. : Arriving at the residence, we steal a Caddie car from the security to reach our apartment which is not a good idea considering the level of alcohol and the number of security cameras around. It takes 2 minutes to be chased by another Caddie with 2 security guys in the residence. We finally manage to run out and hide for a moment… and later on, slide into the outdoor Jacuzzi. Ben decides to dive in and that idea results in giving him a huge gash to the head.

04:48 A.M. : It’s usually at these kind of late and lazy moments that we attempt one more time to cut Fred’s dreadlocks. Even drunk, the guy has eyes on the back of his head and escapes our shitty plan. I don’t know if it’s Ben’s blood in the Jacuzzi or the upset raccoon attack a few minutes later, but we quickly run to bed to stop this never ending day.

08:04 A.M. : Everybody is in front of the van, right on time, ready to go and begin another day on tour ! The van leaves…

09:15 A.M. :
The bassist gets to the rendezvous, nobody’s there.

Empyr
November 2010

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